I’ve been meditating for the last few months trying to answer the question: Who Am I? I’ve been trying to discover the Truth behind the immediate, ready-made answers my mind is too fast to provide.
Of course my first few attempts at answering this question I came up with a list of things: my name, my nationality, my family, my friends, my customs, my values, my likes and dislikes, my body, my feelings, my possessions, my choices, etc…
After some time, I questioned all of these aspects about myself and how much all these define who I am. Little by little, most of the things I immediately considered as my identity crumbled down.
Having left my country and having lived in another country for nearly half of my life now, I don’t think nationality is who I am. Nor is the country where I live. I have often joked about how liberating it is to consider myself an outsider in both countries and how much I love that. I don’t identify myself to either countries but I do take meaningful things from each country to be part of my life.
I love my family and my friends so much but, as I question myself more and more, I can’t say they define me either. I feel connected to them emotionally but I know energetically I am also connected to everyone and everything in the world. This might sound abstract but it feels very real.
My possessions and my body are so superficial that to me they definitely don’t count as a definition of myself in any way. And my values and choices are purely constructions of my ego. Yes, I can say they define they way I feel, think and act, but I still don’t think they define me.
So, who am I? I ask myself this again and again during meditation and sometimes I experience that I am asking the question and I am also trying to answering. I realise that there are two of me. I am aware of my own self. I discover that I am much more than my thoughts, I am the conscience. Once I even felt completely unidentified with the name Jennifer or my family or my body or anything else. I was shapeless energy. I didn’t care about identity anymore. I was love. I was everyone and everything. ‘I’ didn’t exist anymore.
I discovered the question ‘Who am I? has no answer when the ego disintegrates and I can feel pure love and compassion for everything and everyone because we are all one. We are all energy. We are love.
NEXT WEEK: The Power of Affirmations